The dust has long settled and the paperwork is long over with. The divorce is over and you are ready to move on. It’s a new chapter and in many ways, it is now a new era of your life.
It has been an adjustment period and it hasn’t always been rainbows and smiles. When a marriage ends, it can feel like everything about your life is being called into question. Now, though, it feels as if everything is normal again. Except for one thing – dating.
It’s an inevitable question that at some point will come up after a divorce – when is it appropriate to start dating again after a divorce?
First, remember that there are no hard guidelines for this. What might be appropriate for one person won’t be for someone else.
After two years of being divorced, someone might not feel ready to begin dating again. For another person, they might be ready to start mingling again in six months after the divorce has been finalized.
There really is no such thing as an “appropriate time.” Because this would imply there are some sort of guidelines that tell you when it is okay. It is all up to the individual person.
Use the following as a general basis for when you are deciding if you should begin dating again after a divorce.
You might feel ready, but you might not actually be. One thing to consider is if you healed from the last relationship. Or even past relationships before that.
Before you can ever fully move on to a new relationship, it’s important to consider whether or not you have actually moved fully on. There may be aspects of the marriage or things that happened that could prevent you from being able to give yourself fully again.
You might be ready to date again, but that doesn’t mean you have to go at it full force. Start off slow. If you only want to try going on a date once or twice month, then there is nothing wrong with that. If you just want to be friends with someone new, then just be friends with them. Don’t rush into anything you don’t want. It’s not a competition, after all.
After the divorce, you likely felt as if you lost bits and pieces of yourself along the way. So in the aftermath, you might be feeling as if you aren’t even sure who you are anymore.
Before you try to get to know someone new, don’t be afraid to get to know the most important person – yourself. Don’t be afraid to take a time out from getting to know a new romantic partner before you feel as if you know who you are.
This goes along with some of the other points we made above. You should never feel as if the future is destined to repeat the past. For anyone new you date, that doesn’t mean that they are destined to be like your ex.
Sure, there could be similiarities or other red flags, but that doesn’t mean that things will end up in the same exact way.
If you are worried about beginning to date again after a divorce, reach out to us. In relationship counseling, we can help you learn more about yourself so that when you are ready, you will for sure know it.
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